Gosh. I really don't like the mugginess of summer. The past two days have been horrible. At least yesterday I was at work for most of the day, and then took a quick dip in the Lake with a friend. It was a good visit. Hadn't seen her in awhile. It always fascinates me how we can always just pick things up where they left off, no matter how much time has passed in between our visits. It's going to be harder to see each other soon, for I have a busy upcoming semester. Hopefully I will survive with everything in tact...
Today, though, was supposed to be different. It was supposed to be a wake-up-early-and-go-get-active day with Irene also in attendance. Yeah, the only action I got was extra sleep and moving my thumbs on the X-box controller. I'm not sure whats up with me lately, I just don't want to get up. Maybe it's the heat or lack of motivation. Maybe even a combination of both. I feel that I let things go too easily. I always say instead of do. When push comes to shove, I never admit to myself that I could actually do what I say instead of just shrugging it off....
SO! From this point on, I'm going to go get 'em Tiger:
-I will not be hard on myself when things don't go as planned.
-I will stay positive.
-I will do what I say.
-I will not complain about doing so.
-I will not be self-defeating.
-I will do my best.
-I will!
I will do all this while maintaining my sanity! (And hopefully love and friendships too. I'd hate to loose either.) I just hope that people will be patient with me, and realize that I am going to have a LOT, I mean... A LOT... going on. 6 classes and 2 jobs. I'm not sure about the two jobs though. I hope to have 2 jobs. Although I know it will be hard (that's what she said), I look forward to the challenge. I'm excited to start classes...
My fall classes:
Economics, Sociology, Health Fitness, Animal Biology, Painting, and Color Photography.
My Ideal Fall Schedule: (Tenative)
Sunday: 11am -8pm World Market
Monday: 9:30am -10:45 am Economics
11am- 12:15pm Lunch/Study Time
12:30pm -1:45pm Sociology
2pm-3:10pm Health Fitness
3:10pm -4:45pm Dinner/Study Time
5pm -10pm World Market
Tuesday: 9am- 11:50am Animal Biology
12pm -1:30pm Lunch/Study Time
1:30pm -4:10pm Painting
4:15pm -4:45pm Dinner Time
5pm -10pm World Market
Wednesday: 9:30am -10:45 am Economics
11am- 12:15pm Lunch/Study Time
12:30pm -1:45pm Sociology
2pm-3:10pm Health Fitness
3:10pm -4:45pm Dinner/Study Time
5pm -10pm World Market
Thursday: 9am- 11:50am Animal Biology
12pm -1:30pm Lunch/Study Time
1:30pm -4:10pm Painting
4:15pm -6pm Dinner Time/ Study Time / Work at the Photolab
6pm -10pm Color Photography
Friday: NICODAY! My day to do things around the house. Maybe hanging out with Irene (if she's not working). Cooking a nice meal for Stevie. We could have family over and make it a party or we could just chillax. Cuddle and a movie! :) Could work during the day if needed.
Saturday:Split day between Photolab and World Market
I hope that this works out and everyone will be happy. :)
TO DO (Before School)
-Organize Hall Closet
-Clean off Dresser
-Clean Room/Organize room
-Clean Bathroom
-Laundry
-Clean Kitchen
-Vaccum
Monday, August 10, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Bleh..
So. I'm back in the states. Have been for a little over a week now. Just as I thought I was ready to leave Paris, I wish I was back there. I feel so sad about it. hahah. If only I could have found my French love that could have convinced me to give everything up to stay with him. *SIGH*
I know, I know. You're sitting there laughing because you and I both know that wouldn't have happened. But hey, a girl can dream can't she!?
Anyway. There was so much I wanted to post about France and all my experiences. But my stories don't capture the essence of it. I love to tell people stories, but sometimes I fear that I may bore them. I get excited by the little things that happen within my adventures. Some just don't understand. I hate the feeling when people are bored. I feel very different though. Right now, sad. haha. I know that I probably won't get back there. And that, makes me very very very sad. Tres triste. haha.
I love how the French are so protective of their culture... I wish Americans were. I loved how they didn't overly dress, but totally didn't under dress for an occasion. It was just right. I wish Americans did that. I'm trying to incorporate it in my daily dressing, but I feel like I'm over dressing. I don't like getting looks from people.
What I hoped to happen when I came home from France, was that I would have magically changed into something that I wanted to change into. (haha. Total run-on sentence that isn't clear.) I was hoping that all my insecurities and problems would have dissipated and turned into something lovely. Which, I do fear that I still hold most of my insecurities, but I feel more secure about them. I was hoping to be more motivated about getting myself together. On the contrary, I feel more secure about doing what I want.. Which at this given moment, doesn't seem to be much on the track of 'getting myself together'
I was hoping that maybe I would have had an epiphany about life and what it is exactly that I want to do. It's shed some light on some things that I really do want to do (ie: learn french, go back to paris...)There are so many things that I want to do, that I just cannot bear the thought of having to choose between them. (There is also a motivation issue. I can mentally motivate myself, but that doesn't mean that my body will wake up on time...) The things I want most to do would tear my world apart and put me in uncomfortable grounds. And there would be no definite at the end of the day. I may or may not have a job, but I for sure wouldn't have my friendships and my relationship. It'd be easier to do nothing. But that too, would eventually eat me apart. Because I could never just do nothing....
I feel like I'm crazy! haha. I just want to have it all figured out. I know this is impossible. I just can't accept that things will be alright without knowing what will happen. I don't know that I'll ever graduate because I just cannot make up my mind. But I want to teach. Like you have no idea. But I don't want to be horrible at it, and I don't know that I'll have a job. I'd hate to spend all this time and money into something that I won't even get a job in. Then get stuck working in fast food barely able to pay my bills. I want to move to France. Become a waitress and bask in the beauty of Paris. Everything was beautiful. Even the bums and the urine stench. haha. (OK, maybe not the urine stench...)
I was supposed to hang out with a friend today. She bailed on me yesterday. I could have hung out with Irene, but like I said. I'm feeling very sad. It feels like a horrible break up. haha. DAMN YOU PARIS! haha. So in between my bursts of tears, I've been watching French films. haha. The last one I watched struck a chord. It was called 'Broken English'. Melvil Poupaud is so cute in this movie. I loved his French charm. He could be the vision of my French knight in shinning armor. haha. I know, dream on. haha. Gosh. I need a puff party. haha.
I know, I know. You're sitting there laughing because you and I both know that wouldn't have happened. But hey, a girl can dream can't she!?
Anyway. There was so much I wanted to post about France and all my experiences. But my stories don't capture the essence of it. I love to tell people stories, but sometimes I fear that I may bore them. I get excited by the little things that happen within my adventures. Some just don't understand. I hate the feeling when people are bored. I feel very different though. Right now, sad. haha. I know that I probably won't get back there. And that, makes me very very very sad. Tres triste. haha.
I love how the French are so protective of their culture... I wish Americans were. I loved how they didn't overly dress, but totally didn't under dress for an occasion. It was just right. I wish Americans did that. I'm trying to incorporate it in my daily dressing, but I feel like I'm over dressing. I don't like getting looks from people.
What I hoped to happen when I came home from France, was that I would have magically changed into something that I wanted to change into. (haha. Total run-on sentence that isn't clear.) I was hoping that all my insecurities and problems would have dissipated and turned into something lovely. Which, I do fear that I still hold most of my insecurities, but I feel more secure about them. I was hoping to be more motivated about getting myself together. On the contrary, I feel more secure about doing what I want.. Which at this given moment, doesn't seem to be much on the track of 'getting myself together'
I was hoping that maybe I would have had an epiphany about life and what it is exactly that I want to do. It's shed some light on some things that I really do want to do (ie: learn french, go back to paris...)There are so many things that I want to do, that I just cannot bear the thought of having to choose between them. (There is also a motivation issue. I can mentally motivate myself, but that doesn't mean that my body will wake up on time...) The things I want most to do would tear my world apart and put me in uncomfortable grounds. And there would be no definite at the end of the day. I may or may not have a job, but I for sure wouldn't have my friendships and my relationship. It'd be easier to do nothing. But that too, would eventually eat me apart. Because I could never just do nothing....
I feel like I'm crazy! haha. I just want to have it all figured out. I know this is impossible. I just can't accept that things will be alright without knowing what will happen. I don't know that I'll ever graduate because I just cannot make up my mind. But I want to teach. Like you have no idea. But I don't want to be horrible at it, and I don't know that I'll have a job. I'd hate to spend all this time and money into something that I won't even get a job in. Then get stuck working in fast food barely able to pay my bills. I want to move to France. Become a waitress and bask in the beauty of Paris. Everything was beautiful. Even the bums and the urine stench. haha. (OK, maybe not the urine stench...)
I was supposed to hang out with a friend today. She bailed on me yesterday. I could have hung out with Irene, but like I said. I'm feeling very sad. It feels like a horrible break up. haha. DAMN YOU PARIS! haha. So in between my bursts of tears, I've been watching French films. haha. The last one I watched struck a chord. It was called 'Broken English'. Melvil Poupaud is so cute in this movie. I loved his French charm. He could be the vision of my French knight in shinning armor. haha. I know, dream on. haha. Gosh. I need a puff party. haha.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Viva le France et Rouen!
So the time I've been waiting for has arrived! I'm over in Europe! :)
First flight(s)
-My first flight was delayed by an hour. Sucked then, but it made it perfect timing for the second flight.
-The turbulence/landing/departure from the ground made me fear for my life. It was one of those thrill moments where I enjoyed it at the same time. Love/hate relationship I tell ya...
-I'm so happy that I had aisle seats both flights. I forget where I'm sitting on my way home.
-I loved watching outside the windows. The clouds were amazingly beautiful. When I first looked out the window, I saw nothing but white clouds. They looked like mounts of mountains covered in snow. It's what I imagined Antartica to look like. haha. When we were landing in France, the clouds were big and puffy. They reminded me of cotton candy. I wanted to lay in them and take a nap.
-I also realized that i brought way too much crap that I wasn't going to use on the flight. (IE: 6 magazines, 4 books, nintendo ds, soduku games. haha) The only thing i really used was my ipod. Ill remember this for next time. I also tried out the games on the plane. The graphics were horrible, but it was a game.
France:
-I was in Charles De Gaulle airport for awhile. It was pretty cool. A bit confusing, a long way from where my plane landed.
-The drive to Rouen was wonderful. I saw so many fields and trees. It was breathtaking. In a way it reminded me of Pa with less extremes of hills.
-I then fell asleep for an hour. (mind you, the only sleep I've had in 2 days.)
-I woke up when my ipod's battery died. When I opened my eyes we had just entered Rouen. It's so cool. So many cathedrals. And oh my! The Hotel is amazing. More on that later, with pictures....
-Then I wandered the streets by myself. Not many stores were open on suday as it was 3 pm, but i could still browse the windows. Then i met my group back at the hotel for a group tour of Rouen. He recommended an amazing restaurant, which 7 of us stopped and grabbed a table. The waiter was funny, and I'm glad that he put up with our american asses that can't speak french. He was very nice though. My meal consisted of: Escargo as an apetizer, pepsi, and Croquet-Madame. Both were good. I'll elaborate more when I'm not so tired haha.
-Then I went and wandered by myself some more.
-Then Once I had enough of that, I went back to the hotel to unpack.
-While I was unpacking, I wanted to get my laptop connected to Wi-Fi. The only problem was, it was under a password. Easy, right? Go ask the professor? Yeah, he was out eating. haha. So I conjured up a plan! I didn't want to butcher the language, so I wrote everying out on a piece of paper. haha. correctly, because I used my mad French book skills! I walked up to her and was like 'Excuse moi....' and handed it to her. She read it, and gave me the code. Everytime I see her, she smiles at me. Not sure if thats good, or bad. lol.
-Then I went and wandered some more...
-Then it started raining, and I got soaked. I slowly walked back to the hotel, enjoying every wet moment. :)
-Somewhere along the way, I saw a dead grey kitten. It was sad. I miss my kittens. :(
- I painted my nails when i came back to the hotel while watching tv in French. I have no idea what theyre talking about! Sometimes I pick out a word or two. I get excited.
SO I'm going to have to wrap this post up... I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open!
First flight(s)
-My first flight was delayed by an hour. Sucked then, but it made it perfect timing for the second flight.
-The turbulence/landing/departure from the ground made me fear for my life. It was one of those thrill moments where I enjoyed it at the same time. Love/hate relationship I tell ya...
-I'm so happy that I had aisle seats both flights. I forget where I'm sitting on my way home.
-I loved watching outside the windows. The clouds were amazingly beautiful. When I first looked out the window, I saw nothing but white clouds. They looked like mounts of mountains covered in snow. It's what I imagined Antartica to look like. haha. When we were landing in France, the clouds were big and puffy. They reminded me of cotton candy. I wanted to lay in them and take a nap.
-I also realized that i brought way too much crap that I wasn't going to use on the flight. (IE: 6 magazines, 4 books, nintendo ds, soduku games. haha) The only thing i really used was my ipod. Ill remember this for next time. I also tried out the games on the plane. The graphics were horrible, but it was a game.
France:
-I was in Charles De Gaulle airport for awhile. It was pretty cool. A bit confusing, a long way from where my plane landed.
-The drive to Rouen was wonderful. I saw so many fields and trees. It was breathtaking. In a way it reminded me of Pa with less extremes of hills.
-I then fell asleep for an hour. (mind you, the only sleep I've had in 2 days.)
-I woke up when my ipod's battery died. When I opened my eyes we had just entered Rouen. It's so cool. So many cathedrals. And oh my! The Hotel is amazing. More on that later, with pictures....
-Then I wandered the streets by myself. Not many stores were open on suday as it was 3 pm, but i could still browse the windows. Then i met my group back at the hotel for a group tour of Rouen. He recommended an amazing restaurant, which 7 of us stopped and grabbed a table. The waiter was funny, and I'm glad that he put up with our american asses that can't speak french. He was very nice though. My meal consisted of: Escargo as an apetizer, pepsi, and Croquet-Madame. Both were good. I'll elaborate more when I'm not so tired haha.
-Then I went and wandered by myself some more.
-Then Once I had enough of that, I went back to the hotel to unpack.
-While I was unpacking, I wanted to get my laptop connected to Wi-Fi. The only problem was, it was under a password. Easy, right? Go ask the professor? Yeah, he was out eating. haha. So I conjured up a plan! I didn't want to butcher the language, so I wrote everying out on a piece of paper. haha. correctly, because I used my mad French book skills! I walked up to her and was like 'Excuse moi....' and handed it to her. She read it, and gave me the code. Everytime I see her, she smiles at me. Not sure if thats good, or bad. lol.
-Then I went and wandered some more...
-Then it started raining, and I got soaked. I slowly walked back to the hotel, enjoying every wet moment. :)
-Somewhere along the way, I saw a dead grey kitten. It was sad. I miss my kittens. :(
- I painted my nails when i came back to the hotel while watching tv in French. I have no idea what theyre talking about! Sometimes I pick out a word or two. I get excited.
SO I'm going to have to wrap this post up... I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Paris in two weeks!
Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. haha. I'm so excited that I'm nauseous. I was trying not to think about it because I know I'll eventually throw up. haha.
Anyway. Yes, I'll be in Paris in two weeks. I'm so excited! I'll be there for 10 days, but still. I wish I had more time. There is so much I want to see and do! I can't wait to see everything and eat some delicious food! I just hope I saved enough money. I want to go SHOPPING! Haha.
Speaking of shopping.. I have to go shopping tomorrow for all the crap I'll need for my trip. I so don't want to do this. But, Irene and I will have fun while doing it! After our fun-adventure-filled day I want to work out. (Boo.) Hopefully it'll be a bike ride. I enjoy those. Steve and I went bike riding a couple weeks ago. I hadn't done it in 10 years (sad, I know). It was funny because I could barely keep it straight. It's amazing how quickly your skills deteriorate.
I've been relatively happier lately (which is enjoyable). I think it's due to two reasons- a) I'm not so stressed with the school/work life and b) I've been actually getting out the house doing things! (and [gasp!] actually spending time with people!) I've probably done more in the past two months than I have in the past two years. Sad, but true. I have Irene to thank for that! I actually want to do things. Most of my days off are spent crafting/cooking/shopping with Irene. I love it! Hopefully she's not getting sick of me. haha. We started a journal to capture the essence of our adventures: Elles.Crafty! It will hold recipes that we've tried (the good, the bad, and the awesome!), pictures of tasties (yes, I so did just make that word up), pictures of us having fun, and directions for crafts we've done along with final project pictures. Irene came up with it, cuz she's awesome. haha. Hopefully we can keep these fun days going while I'm in school and while she's working. I'll be sad without them. haha.
Anyway, I just realized the time. I must sleep now, for I have to meet Irene at 11 for our fun day, and I shall not be late!
Anyway. Yes, I'll be in Paris in two weeks. I'm so excited! I'll be there for 10 days, but still. I wish I had more time. There is so much I want to see and do! I can't wait to see everything and eat some delicious food! I just hope I saved enough money. I want to go SHOPPING! Haha.
Speaking of shopping.. I have to go shopping tomorrow for all the crap I'll need for my trip. I so don't want to do this. But, Irene and I will have fun while doing it! After our fun-adventure-filled day I want to work out. (Boo.) Hopefully it'll be a bike ride. I enjoy those. Steve and I went bike riding a couple weeks ago. I hadn't done it in 10 years (sad, I know). It was funny because I could barely keep it straight. It's amazing how quickly your skills deteriorate.
I've been relatively happier lately (which is enjoyable). I think it's due to two reasons- a) I'm not so stressed with the school/work life and b) I've been actually getting out the house doing things! (and [gasp!] actually spending time with people!) I've probably done more in the past two months than I have in the past two years. Sad, but true. I have Irene to thank for that! I actually want to do things. Most of my days off are spent crafting/cooking/shopping with Irene. I love it! Hopefully she's not getting sick of me. haha. We started a journal to capture the essence of our adventures: Elles.Crafty! It will hold recipes that we've tried (the good, the bad, and the awesome!), pictures of tasties (yes, I so did just make that word up), pictures of us having fun, and directions for crafts we've done along with final project pictures. Irene came up with it, cuz she's awesome. haha. Hopefully we can keep these fun days going while I'm in school and while she's working. I'll be sad without them. haha.
Anyway, I just realized the time. I must sleep now, for I have to meet Irene at 11 for our fun day, and I shall not be late!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Rawr.
So instead of cleaning my office (and the rest of the house for that matter) I've decided to procrastinate by writing a blog. I'm disappointed with certain things in my life, but I'm not exactly sure what to do about them. I guess I'm more so disappointed with myself and how I allow things to be. I want to change, but I don't know where to begin. I want to be who I used to be, but I don't know how to find myself again. One day I hope to catch a glimpse....
I just have to remember that every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will start my journey towards change.
I just have to remember that every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will start my journey towards change.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Reflection
ever wonder what its like to be free
away from all the tradgedy
feeling like a newborn
covered with innocence
with all absence of fears
and a sense of curious imagination
ready to explore the world with no bias
just an open book with a pen and paper
ready to jot down all experiences
all the dreams and hopes you could wish
all that can be done could be done
with one single life altering decision
ever wonder what life would be
if everyone could accept one another
compromising all their feelings towards differences
subjecting their mind to openness
a world with out hate
bringing peace to all
no fear of shame
for openness sees no differences and welcomes change
ever remember the days of your childhood
where you can see the exact memory
as it all plays out on the movie screen in your head
all the fond sounds and feelings flood back
with such a force that leaves you stunned
ever wonder what your life would be
if you could change every decision you've made
what paths you've taken
would they lead you back to your starting point
or would you end at a trophy held high on a shelf
would you be something glamory and glittery
with a fake smile and a cold hug
would you be one dieing to fit in yet needing to be different
with a continuing depression, eyeliner, and black finger nails
would you be all prim and proper pulled by a string
with lips moving yet never speaking a word
every toss and turn leads us towards an infinate journey
a journey whoose end will never be found
a journey defined by endless possibilty
away from all the tradgedy
feeling like a newborn
covered with innocence
with all absence of fears
and a sense of curious imagination
ready to explore the world with no bias
just an open book with a pen and paper
ready to jot down all experiences
all the dreams and hopes you could wish
all that can be done could be done
with one single life altering decision
ever wonder what life would be
if everyone could accept one another
compromising all their feelings towards differences
subjecting their mind to openness
a world with out hate
bringing peace to all
no fear of shame
for openness sees no differences and welcomes change
ever remember the days of your childhood
where you can see the exact memory
as it all plays out on the movie screen in your head
all the fond sounds and feelings flood back
with such a force that leaves you stunned
ever wonder what your life would be
if you could change every decision you've made
what paths you've taken
would they lead you back to your starting point
or would you end at a trophy held high on a shelf
would you be something glamory and glittery
with a fake smile and a cold hug
would you be one dieing to fit in yet needing to be different
with a continuing depression, eyeliner, and black finger nails
would you be all prim and proper pulled by a string
with lips moving yet never speaking a word
every toss and turn leads us towards an infinate journey
a journey whoose end will never be found
a journey defined by endless possibilty
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Finally!
My semester is over! Whoo-hooo! I will miss some classes though. I will miss ceramics and photography. I won't find out my final grades until next week, hopefully I do well. I think I will get 3 A's and 2 B's. I brought Irene to my Photography Critique (Tuesday) and my Ceramics Critique (Wednesday). Here's what happened:
Tuesday:
9 am- French Final
10-11 am- I talked to my humanities prof about some books he recommended me reading. I ordered them on Amazon yesterday! I've never done it before, so I can't wait to get them.
11 am- Humanities Final
11:50 am- went home, gathered my portfolio for photography.
1 pm- picked irene up.
- we went to school, and I sold my books back. $215 towards Paris. Woot!
2:30 pm- The photography critique that lasted forever. The only thing that I took away from the critique, was that he really hated the one model's shirt because the cap sleeve was just not a flattering look on the model. haha.
4:15 pm- The Prof looked at my portfolio.
4:20 pm- Irene and I went to Ulta (the most amazing store in the world) and then Target.
6:15 pm- Irene and I met our boys and their parents at Baker's Square for dinner. Mmm. pie.
7:30 pm- Irene and I went to Old Navy ( the other most amazing store in the world) for jeans. We ended up buying more than jeans though. haha.
Wednesday
12:40 pm- Picked up Irene
1:00 pm- Ceramics Critique. (Will post pictures later.)
4:00 pm- Crepes at Baker's Square. Mm pie.
5:00 pm- Work.
So now that school is out, I have a ton of little things to do. Hopefully I get them done quickly so I can relax and do art project with Irene!
Tuesday:
9 am- French Final
10-11 am- I talked to my humanities prof about some books he recommended me reading. I ordered them on Amazon yesterday! I've never done it before, so I can't wait to get them.
11 am- Humanities Final
11:50 am- went home, gathered my portfolio for photography.
1 pm- picked irene up.
- we went to school, and I sold my books back. $215 towards Paris. Woot!
2:30 pm- The photography critique that lasted forever. The only thing that I took away from the critique, was that he really hated the one model's shirt because the cap sleeve was just not a flattering look on the model. haha.
4:15 pm- The Prof looked at my portfolio.
4:20 pm- Irene and I went to Ulta (the most amazing store in the world) and then Target.
6:15 pm- Irene and I met our boys and their parents at Baker's Square for dinner. Mmm. pie.
7:30 pm- Irene and I went to Old Navy ( the other most amazing store in the world) for jeans. We ended up buying more than jeans though. haha.
Wednesday
12:40 pm- Picked up Irene
1:00 pm- Ceramics Critique. (Will post pictures later.)
4:00 pm- Crepes at Baker's Square. Mm pie.
5:00 pm- Work.
So now that school is out, I have a ton of little things to do. Hopefully I get them done quickly so I can relax and do art project with Irene!
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